Awesome!

Protect your awesome stuff

If you've been paying close attention to Awesome, you probably have a house full of awesome things by now. And of course you don't want some stupid burglar to break in and help himself to all your awesome stuff.

If you don't have a pack of loudmouth dogs like me, consider picking up one of these nifty gadgets. You just plug it into any outlet and it emits random light patterns that simulate a television, thus fooling potential stealers of stuff into thinking you're at home.

It also has a timer so you can set it to turn on and off while you're away, and it uses much less electricity than simply putting your TV on a timer.

Also, it might make for some fun party lighting when you are home.

A new leash on life

I have two westies of my own and a bichon that I'm fostering. They're all hovering over me as I write this, which is what they do pretty much all the time. They have black collars with skulls and chains on them to toughen them up, even though little white dogs can only look so tough.

But if I had something fierce looking like a rottweiler or a bulldog, I think I'd get one of these lovely leashes to make it look foofier and friendlier and just generally sort of silly.

(Yes, I realize that these are probably not appropriate for restraining large dogs, but it's my imaginary dog, so deal with it.)

It's the tits

Bras and balls might seem like mutually exclusive things. But no!

If you're lazy about hand washing your hooter hammocks, you can just stick them in this contraption and throw them in the washing machine with your jeans and vintage tees, and they come out both clean and non-mangled. Joy!

No gutter balls

I don't have the hand/eye coordination necessary to excel at video games... or even to avoid sucking at them, really. Thus, I don't have a Wii.

But if I did, I'd totally get this Wii bowling bag to tote my Wii stuff in. And then maybe my friends and I could all get matching bowling shirts and drink beer and play Wii bowling.

Yeah.

Your inner Rikki Rocket

When I begged my parents for a drum set they said I didn't need anything else that would make as much noise as my mouth did.

Well, now that I'm older and able to buy my own toys I think I'm ready for a drum set and this one is perfect. I can't wait to rock out with my inner Rikki Rocket.

Cute as a button

If you're like me, you probably have lots of those little sewing kits you've filched from random hotel rooms. Of course they're handy, but they're sort of boring and uninspiring.

This one is so much cuter. It almost makes me want to reattach all those missing buttons that are lying around my room.

AND it's only $9. Yes, I know - that is $9 more than free, but then you can refill it with the contents of all those pilfered kits.

Plug and play

Now that it's starting to get warmer out, I'm starting to daydream about all the fun things I could do, if I wasn't stuck in an office all day. Somewhere near the top of the list (below a tropical getaway that I can't afford but way above spring cleaning) is going on a picnic.

Preferably a picnic that involves wine. Wine and cheese and some crusty bread.

And to really create the right mood I'll have to make a "spring is here" playlist for my iPod and then I'll need these speakers so I can share the tunes with whoever is lucky enough to go on this boxed wine bender picnic with me. Seriously, have you ever seen cuter iPod speakers? They're so fun and retro (kind of like picnics) and come in six festive colors.

For only $25, I could buy one for the office, too... except that I don't have an "I have spring fever get me out of here" playlist.

So wrong and so right

Ok, I know we talked about how putting animals in costume is wrong and cruel. I know, we had this conversation and I agreed with you, I said, "You're right, it's wrong. Totally wrong."

Ok, I know we talked about that and all but let me just show you this because OMG. For serious. How can it be wrong!!!!!

For what it's worth, the whole collection is amazingly horrible and cute.

Sssssssssssso awesome

This summer I got a new lock for my bike and brilliantly thought I'd use it for the first time after a long ride and without even thinking I should figure out how it works before I set out. So when I got to where I was going, this stupid outdoor cafe riddled with hip, under-employed 20 somethings all sipping their beer at 10am, I stood there with the bike propped up against my leg, fussing with how to get the lock to lock, then unlock, and back and forth for maybe 20 minutes.

Finally after breaking a sweat I gave up completely and got back on my bike and RODE HOME in utter frustration. If I'd had this snake lock, I would have looked a whole lot cooler during this whole event.

Food sounds bad

If this product didn't have such an awful name, I may actually want to tell more people about it. But dear god, the squirt? When you're talking about baby things the very last word I want to come to mind is squirt.

Anyway. It's a baby spoon that holds all the food and goo in the handle part and press a button an viola, the spoon fills with foodstuffs. Can we get back to the name for a second, my god!! What a horrible name.

Kind of ingenious, but just gross sounding.

For fancy dogs and non-amputees

I've been really sick for the last week or so, and in between my high fever and nausea rests this oddm uncontrollable delirium. I have whole conversations I don't recall and drunk dial people while all doped up on NyQuil, and when I see something like this that is totally awesome, this thought goes through my head: "Perfect for your four legged friend?" Huh? What does that even mean?

Everyone has four legs, so are they implying you couldn't use this to feed someone if they're, like, and amputee or something? That's kind of weird that they have a whole marketing campaign for non-amputees, isn't it?

Oh wait. Our arms aren't legs! They're talking about dogs, aren't they?

Once I also though hamburgers were made out of horses, but let's not get into that.

What price burned fingers?

It's time to check in on our favorite overpriced modern furniture and home goods superstore!  This time DWR actually gets something right, because not only is this oven mit apron INGENIOUS, it's also only $18!

The apron has pockets on the bottom that are actually oven mits, so you just slip your hand in and then slip them into the oven to retrieve your burning muffins!

Then you can just set your charred baked goods on your custom marble countertop in your post-neo-Prairie-style kitchen designed by the editor of Dwell magazine, in your house filled with $8,000 armchairs and walls made of mirrors and animal fur that you also picked up at DWR. You're so modern!

Fire box

If you're like me and live in an apartment and miss the look and feel of a real fireplace, have no fear.

You have a TV, right? And a DVD player, right? And your TV is basically a fireplace shape, right? And maybe it's even HD, right?

Well ta-da! Now you have a fireplace with a crackling fire sound and that warm fire glow, too. The holidays will be so much better when you're roasting pretend chestnuts on your pretend fire and not getting burned by sparks.

Annoytronic

Is there someone on your holiday gift list who is totally annoying and constantly doing annoying things?

Awesome! Get them this totally annoying keychain to annoy everyone while being annoying. The can just sit there on the couch all day and pop imaginary bubble wrap and annoy everyone with how annoying it is.

Or, The Fuzzy Grinch

This awesomeness is called The Slanket, and I'm not totally sure why.

I guess they were trying to be clever and pull some Jeopardy Before-and-After action with the idea of a blanket with sleeves, but I think there's a much better name out there for it.

Like, how about, "The Adult Womb." Or, "The Thing That Makes It So My Life Is Complete." Or better yet, "The Lazy Warmmaster 5000."

Regardless, I'm buying 100. One for every outfit in my closet.

Calorie Free Sugar

I have a friend who's on a special diet where she can't eat solid food for a long time. No cookies! No pizza! No sushi or cheese! Luckily, this silky smooth sugar scrub is calorie free chocolate! And it makes your skin so soft and smooth! And nice-smelling! Like you could eat it! You know, if you were allowed to eat solid foods.

Use code "awesome" at Lindsay's Candles and Stuff and save 20% on pruchases!!

Magic Boots

The other day I was talking to someone about how I'm excited for the winter in Chicago, and he was all, "Oh, you need to make sure you get a shoe dryer."

And I was all, "Huh?" And he was all, "A shoe dryer! To dry your shoes after you walk home in the cold, windy, mushy snow and rain!"

And I was all, "UH, I don't know what Chicago you're referring to, but the one I live in is magic and does not have these things you call 'cold mushy snow that gets my feet wet'."

And he kind of looked at me like I was a lunatic and said, "So....you should get a shoe dryer!"

And I was all, "SO... you should understand that I AM MAGIC and my feet don't get wet because I live in a MAGIC PLACE that is a magic winter WONDERLAND where snow doesn't melt."

And he was all, "They're cheap at Target."

Talk about multi-tasking

Well now this is just awesome. Why wear regular old house slippers when you can wear these and dust your floors while you tromp around?

All I need now is mop pants and a shirt made of Windex and I will seriously be GOOD TO GO.

For your most educational and morbid cocktail hour

These days my office is awash with random findings and whatnots, and it's a great joy to sift through it all and see what's up for grabs.

But today, nothing in the world is better than what I saw in the corner of the conference room: Wine Markers of the Ten Plagues.

The detail is astounding. Blood and hail and darkness! A dead cow! A little tiny dagger, people! I don't even drink wine and I'm not even Jewish, but there's a good chance I'm buying two sets of these beauties immediately.

Piece of cake

I love the idea of taking little votives with you when you travel to make a sterile hotel room more relaxing and warm, but as a person whose house burned to the ground when they were younger, I'm wary of open flames.

These cake votives are the perfect solution: Small and compact and just the right size, plus they come apart so you can easily wrap them in a pair of socks and pack them in your carry on. The two different sizes and three different colors give you plenty of style options too.

Now if the hotel I'm staying in burns down, it won't be my fault.

Good bacterias only

Wendy asked me to go to swimming with her at a public pool a few weeks ago, and I immediately broke out in hives. I have a hard enough time going up a flight of steps and touching the railings, floating in a giant tub of full of strange human particles is not something I can do. Ever.

I am the person this countertop toothbrush sanitizer was made for. I have no clue if it really works but here is the deal: It doesn't have to. Just tell me it works, just say it obliterates every germ that ever existed on the planet and my mouth will be bad-bacteria free forever, and I will buy it for myself and everyone I know.

And if there's a swim suit is made out of the same materials, I will buy that as well and meet Wendy at the pool.

Mini Awesomness

If you want to be the most popular girl or guy at the next summer party you head to, don't bring the fancy beer or mini burgers or think telling your stories of summer camp '87 will cut it again.

If you really want to make a scene, be the person who brought their own little mini-tool kit to fix the creaky BBQ, the loose sunglasses, and the spring-less lawn chair. Each kit is just 3.25” x 2” x .25”  and includes a miniature file, pick, tweezers, pen, screwdriver, scissors, knife blade and pin.

Stick it in your back pocket and head on over, and ok, maybe do bring that fancy beer, too.

 

Buying stock in Scotch

I mentioned clear duct tape in my last post and while I didn't think at the time it warranted it's own post, fuck it: THIS IS CLEAR DUCT TAPE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.

Since in my heart of hearts I'm a 65 year old retiree who finds joy in a block of cheese and a Law & Order marathon, I have to say clear duct tape is very probably the greatest thing I can think of at this moment. It's not the same brand as the silvery stick you're used to, but it works just as well. In fact, after several attempts with other tape, I was able to use it to stick the foot paddle switch to my floor lamp to the back of my nightstand which makes it super easy to turn on and off without having to get out of bed.

Because I'm old and my bones start to ache after, say, 7pm.

Right cord red

Hey, did you know that if you spend all afternoon programming your DVR to record all these different shows in all this certain kind of priority that you planned out before hand, because if 48 Hours Mystery is coming on at the same time as Kathy Griffin, you want to skip recording Kathy Griffin because she'll be on tomorrow, and then you decide to move your new tv a bit and unplug it but accidentally unplug your DVR, did you know that you'll lose all that stuff you just spent all day programming?

And if you had these cable id's, that wouldn't happen to you? Or me. For the third time.

Carrier Purse

One of the greatest things about summertime is how nothing you eat has any calories in it. Hot dogs don't have calories, beer doesn't have calories, popcicles and caramel corn and corn dogs don't have calories. And my favorite thing that doesn't have calories?

Cupcakes!

Cupcakes are calorie-free until August, so there's no reason to not walk around town using this double tier cupcake carrier as a purse. It delicately holds 24 glorious cake bites slathered in your favorite fat free frosting without jostling a single sprinkle.

Be a good kid

Father's Day is right around the corner, and if your dad is anything like my dad, you know all he ever wants is new Levi's or tools.

He gets Levi's for Christmas, so get him this awesome electric grill brush instead. It's $25, runs on two AA batteries, and the ergonomic handle guarantees hours and hours of BBQ grill brushing fun.

He'll love you even more if you char the grill grate for the weeks leading up until Father's Day so he's got a good base to work from.

This is too easy

Cutest. Dustpan. Ever.

Making us all look bad

This pen needs to take a serious chillax pill, its hyper multi-tasking is getting way out of hand.

Black pen, blue pen, highlighter, ruler, PDA stylus, and I hear if you set it down and step back it will bake brownies, do your taxes, and milk a cow after drawing it freehand and bringing it to life with magic.

The only thing you need to provide is your own bucket, but come on, if you need to buy a bucket for your pen, who needs it? Find me a pen that comes with it's own bucket for imaginary cow milking, that's one I'll buy.

On the way home, I was rear-ended

When I was 18, I was parked in a very small parking lot and this guy threw his car into reverse and accidentally backed right into the front of my car. It was no big deal, there was just a tiny dent in the hood. But when I reached in the passenger side door to get my insurance information, another guy backed into the other side of my car. This guy hit me so hard and fast that it crunched my entire hood up into a 40 degree angle and forced the car backwards about 20 feet.

The good news was the first dent was popped out by the force of the second dent. The bad news is the guy who hit me second was in a RAGE, I tell you A RAGE!!! He was screaming and shouting and before I could compose myself to get his insurance info (I WAS BEING YELLED AT!) he drove off and I had to call the cops to track him down.

If I'd had this car collision kit, I'm sure I would have been much faster on the draw. If you know an 18 year old girl who's driving around in her first car, you should get her one, STAT.

Oh, sad face!

Awwwww, this sad little robot-unicycle-whatever it is type of person is so sad and sweet! It kind of looks like she's run over someone with her unicycle leg, which is appropriate since this is an I'm Sorry card from SnazzyGirl.

This is the perfect card for when you do something real bad, and words aren't enough to make up for it. In those situations, always go for the cutest, most pathetic looking cartoon you can find, because who can stay mad for long while looking at a sad robot unicycle thing?

Well, you probably. But you have no soul, remember?

Eat your heart out Swiffer

My love for Method products has just increased ten fold because they now have a sexy and sleek ergonomic mop.

This mop has a curved handle so you can apply more pressure to the mop and less on your lower back, and it comes with these awesome washable micro-fiber cloths that work great and reduce waste. The best part is that the kit comes with the mop, all these different types of cloths and Method's fantastic floor cleaner.

Ah, Method! You do no wrong!

Stella Maternity Rocks!

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride... and now all these baby showers, never a unique gift! Everyone buys boring blankets and booties, but what does a hip chick like you bring? And what do you do if you're a hip mama that doesn't want to lose her edge?

Enter Stella Maternity, who specializes in rocker mom and baby gear. Their maternity fashions are hip, cute and flattering for the mom-to-be! They even have some cute lingerie that can make every mom feel sexy. Oh, and don't forget Dad, either, with their Diaper Dude bags!

The perfect compliment to the previously posted Mudflap Man sticker is this cute black and pink Mudflap Girl tank, featuring a shapely mom silhouette! Hott.

Suds of Stout

I've dreamed of bathing in Guinness, I love it so. I was wondering if I can convince myself that it's good for my skin somehow. It's not just a dream anymore, thanks to hand-made soap sellers Hydra. Creamy and frothy, it's just like I have always imagined it would be.

A pint o' Guinness? You're soaking in it!

Okay, we seriously need a "beer" category on this site.

Make something!

My clock says I got one hour to go and here we have post number three!

Product blogs were always a bit of an odd thing to me and yet here I am writing for one (although it's totally the coolest one out there!). Of course I'm not about to turn all wussy on you guys. After all, we all like stuff and anyone who says they don't is a lying pinko commie hippie who hates America. But sometimes we can get a bit carried away with our consumerism.

Sure you can buy a $300 "distressed" sports coat with hipster patches and crazy stitching and considering yourself cooler for it. Or you can buy/borrow/find a cheap old sports coat and put your favorite and meaningful patch on it instead. It's a one-of-a-kind piece and it cost 10 cents for some thread to get it done!

Recently, I came across a sheet of iron-on letters I got from American Eagle Outfitters at no cost (ok there was a cost incurred on my soul) when I was unpacking from my move. At that moment inspiration struck and I dragged out my old $10 hoodie I got from Target years ago and slapped the letters on. Suddenly I had a brand new item in my wardrobe which cost very little but is totally unique and awesome. So get out there and make something already!

And with that, I'm spent... It's been fun kids and thank you Sarah for giving me this opportunity and maybe, if I can, I'd like to pop back on every now and then and drop some science, know what I mean?

Oh, you want to know what the letters say on my hoodie? They say "Still Rockin'" and I totally am.

Toodles,
Jesse!

No funny business

I was going to make a joke about these great notepads from No. 2, but they're so serious and subdued I don't think I'll be able to now. I mean, it's even got a space for the date and the topic, which means business.

So, uhm. There has to be something funny to say about this place, right?

How about that I'm so obsessive compulsive about note taking that if it were socially acceptable, I would stuff my home full of piles and piles of notepads and clipboards and Uniball pens, and I'd slap the hand of anyone who tried to take them from me or tell me I was "psycho" because I'm NOT, OK?? Just because I like notepads! Can't a person just like having lots and lots of notepads without being threatened with an intervention???

Yeah, not funny.

Rock your Valentine

[movie guy voice]

In a world where roses are tainted with poison and genetic tests reveal your fancy fish dinner is really just catfish, who will stand up and save us from this horrible Valentine's Day?

[/movie guy voice]

Slayer will!

Who needs roses and fancy dinners when your lover's more the rockin' type anyway? You bought her a tattoo last year and she already has the Metallica box set. What to get her besides candles — the gift everyone loves to get, but hates to buy!

Slayer helps you out with simple scented candles in a simple tin (collectible!) with a logo on it! How awesome is that? And remember kids, even God listens to Slayer, so it's safe for the whole family!

(thanks to my pal Claire for the candle find and Ali for the billboard find)

Cultivating Culinary

Our awesome friends at Wishingfish are having an enormo winter blow-out sale where you can find some great stuff for super cheap! Like this sweet culinary herb garden kit for just $19.99!

If you buy it, you'll be able to have your friends over for dinner and during the meal you can whip it out and sprinkle fresh Greek Oregano, English Thyme, and Santo Cilantro all over your food.

Your friends will go, "Woah," and you'll be like, "I know, I am that awesome."

But this also means they'll want to come back over for more free food, so maybe keep it to yourself.

Wrench in the works

If you're a dainty lady with dainty hands, or a lazy guy with lazy hands, or a lazy lady with dainty hands, or a dainty guy with lazy hands, either way you'll enjoy the Black & Decker Auto Wrench.

Let me explain: It's an automatic wrench. Meaning, you press a button on the side and it makes a whirring sound like a miniature robot, then the wrenchy part zips into place against whatever it is you're wrenching. So you don't have to worry about adjusting the wrenchy part around what you're wrenching 'cause it does it automatically. Ta da!

And it's fun to play with.

First World Problems, Part 9

Somethings you never knew you needed until you saw them and then were like all, "HHmmm. I really need that."

Like x-shaped rubber bands? Hello?

No doy, people.

A Man, A Plan, A Canal, Yellow Bird

As a organization nut who loves adorable shit, I've been searching high and low for a cute 2007 day planner for months--one with as much function as style, a nearly impossible feat it seemed.

And then!  Just as I was about to give up and just go purchase a regualar ol' run-of-the-mill day planner from Staples, I mean, we're almost a week into January already, I found this awesome yellow bird day planner from Poketo.

Sleek, stylish, and definitely cute, the yellow bird does not slack on practicality, either, oh no.  With monthly, weekly, address, list, and blank pages, as well as a pocket to store receipts, business cards, and phone numbers of cute boys you aren't ready to commit to your phone just yet, this planner does it all.

So basically, it's official: 2007, I love you.

A is for A-ha!

If you're one of those people who still collects CD's and has a big stack of them crawling up your wall or across your bedroom floor (how quaint), go all High Fidelity on yourself and get some of these alphabetical CD organizers.

They've even got hundreds of band names listed on them A-Z, so you'll never have to wonder if it's White Stripes or The White Stripes, or if you capitalize the "U" in that one stupid band we're not going to talk about here.

Periodical Picks

Here's some of our picks for our favorite subscriptions that we hope you'll invest in for Two Double-Ought Seven.

Domino is a somewhat new magazine that caters to real simple living on a real simple budget. It made for the ladies but doesn't have any columns in it about what men really want or how to get the right guy for you, because all that stuff is bullshit. Basically, it's a bullshit free magazine.

And of course there's The Believer, which is good from time to time. Usually the illustrations are nice and the interviews are interesting, but people just buy a subscription to it so they have something to put on their coffeetables when they know special people are coming over. But since you can't afford The New Yorker, you get The Believer! Done and done.

Inc. is a super awesome magazine I love to read because it's full of articles about people kicking down the doors of the business world and saying FUCK YOU, Corporate America! If you love stories of underdogs, people who fought to make it big, and small companies with inspiring ideas, pick this one up at Amazon for $12 a year.

One of our favorite magazines round these parts is Swivel, but it's not really a magazine, it's more like a fancy literary journal you might submit something to in college and get turned down for beause your writing was too sappy and had no theme, and even though you weren't even aware of themeatic gestures in writing yet it still crushed you because you swooned over this jounral all through sophomore year, and yes, Swivel is just like that. Read it for the writing by women who are way better than you were in college.

Have any favorites you'd like to pass along? Hit us up!

Post Script

Sometimes all I want to do is write postcards to my friends, even the ones who live close-by, just to share a favorite quote or idea, or just to say hello.

Jaime Zollars kind of takes the fun out of writing postcards, because all I want to do is frame them and put them on my wall. Seriously? $6 for a pack of four cards? That are all antiquey looking and brilliantly designed? These are way too great to give away just for some silly sentiment!

Go tell yourself hello, my friends. I'm keeping the cards.

Fix it and forget it

YOU: Help! These stupid candles won't stay upright in the candle holders! My life is ruined!!

ME: Le sigh. Here.

It Takes A Village

When I was a kid, my mother gave me exactly one week after receiving a gift to write and mail a thank you note for said gift. I don't know what the repercussions would have been had I not complied because I never dared mess with my mother. She is six feet tall and an English teacher, for Christ's sake, a scary combination for any small child, that's for sure.

These days I fear for the children of our world. What with the internet and email and the trendiness of apathy, are parents teaching them common courtesy anymore?  People, it takes a village and if we're to have any hope for the future of our universe, we have all got to step up and take responsibility for the rearing of these children who are popping up and out at an alarming rate. So, may I suggest stocking up on some of these adorable toddler-friendly thank you cards from Luna Lou and passing them out at your local Trader Joes and McDonalds jungle gym?

The world will thank you for it.

Mommy blogging here we come

At the risk of running this site into the ground of the benign, I just have to say how obsessed I am with the new oval Kleenex boxes.

I mean, how long did this take? How many variations on the square did we endure as a people before some benevolent designer from afar introduced with such audacity the very thought of an oval shaped Kleenex box!?

Now back to our regularly scheduled talk of booze and sex and overpriced housewares.

Healing One Sole at a Time

Over the holiday weekend I tried something different: I had two pieces of french silk pie and one piece of pumpkin pie instead of the other way around.  I was on such a roll, I tried something new again the next day: I got my soles healed.

If you're never given foot reflexology a shot, you're totally missing out.  More than a nice foot rub, the right foot reflex treatment can heal your whole body.  With the right pressure on certain reflex points, balance is restored to the organs, joints, glands, and muscles.  I know!

If you're in the Chicago area, I highly recommend Eric Huffman, aka "the healing samurai."  On his table, I cried and yelled and hollered and when it was over, I felt calmer and more centered than I had in ages.  I also slept like a fucking baby that night.  And my feet?  They've never felt better.  And neither have my glands.  Just saying.

The Ideas are endless!

Remember the other day when I was counting the number of things you could do with vintage wallpaper?  Well, here's another -- use as packaging for the prettiest handmade bar soaps! 

Each of these bars, made from non-chemically ingredients like cinnamon, and cucumbers, and clover, for example, come packaged in beautiful recycled vintage wallpaper.  And if that's all not awesome enough, they're on sale, and who doesn't love a sale? 

Now if only I knew of some great uses for soap.

J is for Jet Age.

This is how you convince me to have a child: Tell me there is an alternative to apple sauce and cheerio caked fingers tracing an inchworm on a piece of cardstock while I lazily repeat, "Double You. Say it, D-o-u-b-l-e- ughhhhhh."

These modern flashcards are the perfect alternative. M is for Modern, N is for Neoplasticism! Seriously, if you're going to be my kid you need to come out of the womb knowing what Neoplasticism is, because I sure as hell am not going to  stop talking long enough to tell you.

We still have to tour the Farnsworth House and get over to The Met for the Cézanne collection viewing, and what do you mean you can't walk yet?

Jesus, child. I can't do everything here.

Vuru

So, I'm a little crazy.  Most of the time I'm okay with it.  The thing that isn't okay, though, is the insomnia my craziness promotes -- the insomnia and accompanying anxiety.  Do you know how hard it is to function when you haven't slept for 5 days and the sound of a ringing phone is anxiety-inducing enough to make you impale yourself on a steak knife?  Craziness is one thing -- insanity is something I'm just not willing to embrace.

Luckily, I've been taking these supplements courtesy of Vuru,  a company that allows individuals to create their own daily supplement pack from a commbination of over 2,000 name brand supplements and then packages them in cute little orange and green foil pouches for each day.  I went through all the supplements they offer and basically chose all the ones that promised to cure insomnia and insanity.  Five weeks later, I'm sleeping better, but I'm still kind of crazy.  But like I said: I'm okay with that.

Had it up to here.

This beautiful glass mug is the perfect gift for the pessimist in your life, but it’s probably not high quality glass and if you put it in the microwave you’ll probably burn yourself. So it’s probably not even worth getting for anyone you know since they’d just sue you because they were burned and it’d ruin your friendship.

It’s not like friendship even matters, I mean if you have to go around giving people presents, what kind of friend are they? So who cares if they burn themselves on a glass, they should know not to just put glass in the microwave.

People are so stupid sometimes, it’s like why even bother with humanity at all?

View My Profile

When I was a kid, we had sillhouettes of my brother and myself hanging in our hallway. Small and oval shaped, they hung against white walls in a yellowed sepia mat and creaky weathered frames. They were symbols of time and a history of our childhoods, chronicling the development of our chins and noses and eyelashes. They were heirlooms we'd pass on to our children one day, or maybe just take them to Disneyland to have them made for $24.99 each like we did.

Like those faux-antique silhouettes, these custom notepads and cards are a perfectly fun and unique way to capture your profile for eternity. Send them a photo and they'll turn it into a striking correspondence kit for about $35 a pop.

And the great thing is you can frame these and hang them in shabby chic mats too, and everyone will coo at how civilized you are.