Awesome!

Picnics for the city set

This is called an urban picnic set. Why? I don't know. Maybe because you're not actually supposed to take it out into the middle of a field somewhere to eat your sushi.

In fact, I'm pretty sure you're supposed to hold it on your lap as you sit in front of the TV watching reruns of Law & Order SVU. But you could sit on the floor if you really want to feel more like you're having a picnic.

Also: it has a bud vase! So cute! (This is another clue that you're not really supposed to take it outside, because as you might have noticed, there are already flowers outside.)

Hangman

If you've ever fumbled in complete and utter darkness for the little chain that will turn on your light and thus reassure you that a serial killer is not lurking in your basement, then you will appreciate the genius of this little glow-in-the-dark dude.

And when you're shivering in bed at 2:00 AM but can't find the chain to turn off the damn ceiling fan, this guy can help you out. Unlike the guy who turned the fan on in the first place.

Sure beats chilli pepper lights

My patio has become my favorite place lately, now that it's not 6 degrees outside and the 4 feet of snow has finally melted ff my BBQ.

The best little touch isn't the cool bistro set I have or the modern hanging planters filled with blooming jasmine and snapdragons. It's these $8 tea light holders I've hung up.

What's also awesome? The fact that they cost EIGHT DOLLARS EACH!

Half past a sailboat

When I was a kid, one of my favorite things to play with was Colorforms. That was probably because I didn't have Fashion Plates, but whatever. I also really liked Lite Brite.

Anyway. People might look askance at me if I started playing with toys again, even toys masquerading as art. Luckily I found this Colorforms clock - just like the original Colorforms but it tells time, too. No one will ever know it's secretly FUN.

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Do you ever walk down the street and see someone dressed in the most hideous ensemble and wonder if she actually looked in the mirror and thought, "Damn, I look good" before going out?

Oh, right... of course you're not judgmental like that. And neither am I, really.

But hypothetically, if that was to happen, this mirror probably could have prevented it. Hypothetically.

Read between the lines

Look, if you're the kind of girl whose significant other sends her giant bouquets of flowers on a regular basis, this vase probably isn't for you. Because as far as I can tell, you can probably only stick a couple of blooms into it since, as you may have noticed, it's just an outline of a vase.

If, however, you tend to pick your own flowers from your neighbor's own garden, this might just be the cutest, most perfect way to display them.

I drink your keys! Drink it up!

No better way to stache - I mean, stash your keys when you come home.

Happiness is a Warm Kitty

I am destined to be the crazy old cat lady of the neighborhood, because I want to surround myself with feline companions. Sure, I may always have fur on my clothes, but that's besides the point... kitties are love!

Offi makes these cat-shaped lamps that are modern, cute, and did I mention cat-shaped? They give off a nice warm light that will bring a nice homey glow to my fur-filled home. At least this kitty doesn't shed!

And with delicious names like "Lite Chocolate" and "Warm Milk", how could you resist?

It's a miracle!

These Miracle Grow singles packs are the perfect solution for the apartment/condo dwelling gardener who doesn't own a garden hose and can't mix up a 32 gallon tub to fertilize 4 hanging plants. So far, my pansies are doing perfectly fine, all growing and shit like they weren't violently ripped from their dirt homes and transplanted into my $4 planter I got from Home Depot and perhaps forgot to pay for one. Or two. They were stacked together.

For the first time ever, I finally have some kind of green thumb. I know Miracle Grow is the equivalent of feeding my plants anabolic steroids, but you should see them fight.

Just don't confuse these with Crystal Lite To-go singles packs, equally awesome but much tastier to humans.

Freshly squeezed fun

Look, I'll be honest: I don't even really like orange juice. Unless, of course, it is mixed with champagne.

So, I really have no need for this quirky yet useful octopus juicer, but that does not stop me from lusting after it in the manner one does when confronted with oddly enchanting, brightly colored plastic objects.

Also: I'm not obsessed with octopi, I swear.

How does your garden grow?

If you have a green thumb but no yard to speak of, this little tabletop garden may be just the thing your inner farmer is yearning for.

It comes with four types of seeds to grow edible greenery. Imagine your city-dwelling friends' surprise when you serve up a salad and tell them you grew it.

Actually, my friends would just be surprised that I was serving any salad, let alone one that I grew.

Probing questions

Sometimes you want to have a cocktail party to show off your cooking skills, your drink mixing skills, the renovations to your home or maybe just the fact that you actually own a sofa now.

BUT. Then you realize that you hang out with all these random people who don't know each other and probably have nothing in common and will stand around your home with drinks in hand but nothing to say.

Since nobody wants that, get yourself some of these handy conversation starter cocktail napkins, and let the fun begin.

Cuckoo for you

When I was a kid, my grandparents brought us a cuckoo clock from Germany. It hung in the den and every half hour or so it would make delightful little cuckoo noises. In order to keep it cuckooing, we occasionally had to wind the clock by pulling little chains with brass pinecones attached to the ends.

For some reason, my parents NEVER REMEMBERED to wind the clock. So, I appointed myself keeper of the cuckoo. It never occured to the eight-year-old me that maybe there was a reason they "forgot" to wind it and that they probably wanted to KILL that little painted bird.

Anyway, if you want the charm of a cuckoo clock without the incessant noise, get one of these.

Protect your awesome stuff

If you've been paying close attention to Awesome, you probably have a house full of awesome things by now. And of course you don't want some stupid burglar to break in and help himself to all your awesome stuff.

If you don't have a pack of loudmouth dogs like me, consider picking up one of these nifty gadgets. You just plug it into any outlet and it emits random light patterns that simulate a television, thus fooling potential stealers of stuff into thinking you're at home.

It also has a timer so you can set it to turn on and off while you're away, and it uses much less electricity than simply putting your TV on a timer.

Also, it might make for some fun party lighting when you are home.

Branching out

Spring is here (officially if not actually) and soon there will be all manner of leafy, blossomy things to cut and bring into your home to brighten up your otherwise drab existence.

Sure, you could do what I usually do and put them in glasses or bottles or boring old florist-type vases, but why would you when you could display them in this little beauty instead?

It's understated so as not to compete with your daffodils but pretty enough to stand on its own, too. Also, I think it would look just swell with a sprig of fern or a branch of forsythia. And then in the winter you could put a branch with berries in it. But let's not talk about winter right now, OK?

Just add Barry White

When I bought my house, the one thing I immediately had to have was a chandelier in the bedroom. A chandelier in the bedroom says "rip my clothes off and ravish me" in a way a ceiling fan never could.

If I'd known about this lovely thing, I would've had a chandelier in my apartment bedroom years ago. Just think how much more action I could've gotten.

I bet it casts some pretty awesome shadows, too.

Give 'em the finger

You know those big foam fingers people wave around at sporting events to convey that their team is number one?

Well, this finger is a whole lot more useful. Technically, it's a spatula but I think we all know what it's really for: licking batter!

Just think how much fun it would be to eat an entire bowl of batter using this. It's like Fun Dip, only you might get kind of sick after.

On second thought, maybe you shouldn't eat the whole bowl.

Moderncotta

Something I really can't stand at all is terracotta. Not figuratively, like I am ok with the earth and the ground and all that, it's literally terracotta that I cannot stand to touch or look at.

When I moved into my house the old tenant left about nine dozen hanging terracotta pots all over the back porch and I had to hold my breath, close my eyes and grasp each one with double-gloved hands and toss them into the trash. But then there was the sound - THAT SOUND - of terracotta breaking and I about passed out.

I will never be that lady who has hanging terracotta planters, because I now have these nice, brushed steel, modern planters that don't make me cringe when I touch them.

Darling dinnerware

These plates are practically begging to be loaded up with cream puffs and canapes. 

Well, except for the heart one. That one's crying out for a big, bloody steak.

Cooler wine

I hate going somewhere like a bar or someone's backyard barbeque and asking for wine and getting a plastic cup. Don't people know that wine belongs in wine glasses?

These glasses are just about the most fun way I can imagine to drink wine. Or beer. Or anything that you want to look classy like wine, really. Also, they probably won't get knocked over by your drunken guests as easily as a proper wine glass with a fancy, delicate stem.

And they're far, far better than a plastic cup. Because that's just tacky.

Perhappenstance

Perhaps you've seen a similar set of bedding at another online retailer, except that set was perhaps $300 or more.

Perhaps you thought you really liked the *look* of that other set, but perhaps $300 or more was just a tad too much to spend on a bedding set, perhaps.

Perhaps this set from Target for 1/3 the price is a lot more reasonable.

Flexible like Gumby

Normal hangers don't do a lot for me. If I wore button-down blouses all the time, they'd be just fine for me, but my needs dictate something more... flexible.

Then I met these unfortunately named "Bumps Be-Gone" flexible hangers, and it was kismet. I can hang my camisoles and skirts on them and they don't slip off! You can also hang-dry my sweaters on them without worrying about getting ugly "hanger bumps" on the shoulders (hence the "bumps be-gone" name, ha!).

Explaining stacks

I've wanted something like this for a long time, but I've never been able to explain what exactly it was that I wanted.

I'd be like, "Hey do you guys have a thing that's like tall and has sides that are kind of bowed a bit, and I can put round fruits in it, like apples and oranges and lemons and whatever, and then it can sit out in my counter so I can easily store the stuff on the counter without them rolling around all over, or whatever?"

And the salespeople would be like, "I don't think so, sorry."

I should have just said, "Do you have a fruit stacker?"

Trompe L'Oeil

If you don't have a vase, all you need is a glass of water and this little optical illusion to host those pretty winter stems in your window sill.

Set the glass behind the silhouette and loop a stem through the cutout and voila! You made yourself a vase! When you're done you can just fold it up and stuff it away until next time.

And if you're a spy trying to cover your tracks, eat the flowers and drink the glass of water.

In case you want to get laid...

For Valentines day I got a perfectly simple and exhilarating gift: These pink, sparkly spatulas and a set of Pyrex. I know, are you kidding me? No, you're not, because these are in my kitchen right this minute.

No one in their right mind can have too many spatulas. I once went to a friend's house and she had one mini spatula and nothing else, and it felt almost like I was visiting a slum in Rwanda, and I wanted to start sending her $5 each month to pay for her schooling and two meals a day.

These come in clear glitter and green glitter, for what it's worth.

How to play football

These vintage football glasses remind me of the time when football was just a national pasttime that people of all classes and races could enjoy together gleefully, and not some bloated corporate machine geared toward lining the pockets of a few celebrity players who spend more time grooming their facial hair than their passes, not to mention the advertisers who subsidize filling the tv screen with graphics and weird lighting and instant replays.

It also reminds me of those old Goofy cartoons.

Wood you buy this?

I kind of feel OK spending $62 on a vase when it:

• isn't made of plastic
• looks really awesome
• can sit out on the table even without flowers in it
• is made entirely out of walnut and has a strange, cartoon like shape to it.

And it looks awesome in real life, too!

Slice of life

Look closely at this CulinHome santoku knife and you'll notice two things: First, the laser etchings of beautiful and delicate hibiscus flowers that adorn the blade. They're just subtle enough that you know they're there, and will add a touch of whimsy to your ordinary, everyday cutting operations.

Second, damn. This thing is really fucking sharp.

Warm dreams

If you live in a city that was, ahem, two degrees below zero this weekend, you may have already invested in a good electric blanket. But if you're smart, you'll 1) get a time share in Miami and 2) get a heated mattress pad. This thing is, like,  the most obvious invention ever.

This one even has dual controls, so if you're sharing your bed with someone who's a bit fussy about their temperature, they can get their own bed and live their own life already! I mean, set their own temperature.

Breakup vase

These cylinder vases are great for those times when you break up with your boyfriend because he's too afraid to commit long term, and then a week later he changes his mind so he sends you flowers in an effort to woo you back, and you give in because you never wanted to break up in the first place, and then a few days later he freaks out again and changes his mind and does that thing where he doesn't call you for a week and you feel sad and rejected and then all of the sudden he sends you flowers again and you're like, WTF dude, but this time it's for real and you really believe it so you call him and get his voicemail.

Wow this was the best week ever, huh?

Global bizarre indeed

I walked into Target yesterday expecting to buy my usual fare: Some garbage bags, cereal, save-the-earth indoor flood light bulbs, mascara, toothpaste, four tank tops and a hoodie.

Somewhere between the garbage bags and the toothpaste, I realized I was in an entirely different store, a store that sold upscale-looking furniture and home accessories, like this and this and this!

An hour and $300 later, I walked out with a bunch of stuff, including this gorgeous capiz lamp for just $60. It's a lot nicer and more well made than the chandelier version I got at West Elm that fell apart and left little shell pieces all over my hardwood floors that I would step on while barefoot. Oddly, the Target version didn't even fall apart when I was running to the cash register with the last one from the shelf, hoping to not be trampled to death by all the other people who wanted it.

I never got my tank tops, but for just a few hundred bucks I now have an entirely new living room. Shit, I forgot toothpaste too.

Auto-lift me up

I hate ironing, mostly because it's just another opportunity for me to ruin something.

But this iron solves that problem, because the second you lift your hand from it, it will automatically lift itself off your precious garment. What?! I know! If I hadn't seen this in person I'd never believe it, but this thing actually works just as it promises to. No more burned clothes, no more scorched delicates.

It really works! Now if I can only figure out how to make my dishwasher load itself my housework will actually be fun to do.

Flashlight Candle

Things that come in handy during a power outage:

• gossip magazines (for your Perez Hilton withdrawal)
• iPhone (so you don't have to suffer a Perez Hilton withdrawal)
• fruit roll-ups, beef jerky, and string cheese
• a bottle of wine to calm your nerves
• bandaids
• flashlights, candles, or just flashlight candles!

You Can't Kill the Rooster

Remember that chapter David Sedaris' Me Talk Pretty One Day when he writes about his brother, "The Rooster"? And The Rooster has a mouth like a trucker and says things like, "Fuck it, motherfucker. That shit don't mean fuck to me," in response to his father when he tells him to do his chores. I love The Rooster. And I love this rooster dish. It reminds me that life is too short to do motherfucking chores if I don't fucking feel like it.

Garden dreams

If you don't live in a palatial country villa in the south of France, and you don't have a tiny cottage in a quaint midwestern college town, and if instead you live in a 3 story walkup without a back porch or a stucco tract home with just 6 feet on either side, you can still plant yourself a little garden to enjoy.

Like this one, that you don't even have to water because it sticks to your wall! Talk about low maintenance. It won't die in winter and the ground around it won't get all mushy and muddy because, again, it sticks to your wall.

Rider Table Lamp

Sometimes in decorating a room, you go way, way overboard with bold fabrics, kitschy knick-knacks, abundant organizers and shelves, rows and rows of books and photos and walls filled with artwork. Each nook and cranny houses a different collection--you keep your vintage matchbooks in an oversized glass vase in one corner, your antique compact cases in another corner, and your photos of David Duchovny piled high and sealed in plastic in another corner (don't judge!). Before you know it, the room looks like something a bag of Skittles might swallow and choke up.

This simple, classy (and cheap! Only $49.95) rider table lamp is for a room like that. It says, " Yeah, I'm a little kooky. But not Britney Spears kooky."

Ambience

So my boyfriend and I are throwing a NYE party and it's kind of a lot of pressure. We've thrown one party together before and that went pretty well (boyfriend woke up  the next morning plastered to the bathroom floor, which is always a good sign), and so we thought, "Hey! We're kind of good at this! People seem to like us and enjoy being over at our place! Hey, I know! Let's throw a party on the biggest night of the whole year!" But now that the day is almost upon us, I'm not so sure it was such a great idea after all. What if no one comes? What if people come and they all hate it? What if it turns out to be so boring, people leave before midnight? What kind of New Year's Eve party is over before midnight?!?!

I'll tell you what we need--we need some good ambient DVD for my boyfriend's humongo HDTV so there's at least something interesting and/or pretty to look at when there are only 3 or 4 of us left twiddling our thumbs and nursing our cocktails at 11:30. Maybe something like this? Or this? Or? Any other ideas? (We put on Superfly on mute for our last party...)

Gift yourself

My cutting board collection is severely lacking, except for one flexible 20x20 mat I just have a bunch of  plastic bricks that spill meat juice and tomato seeds all over my countertop. When I bought this fantastic bamboo cutting board and knife set for my brother for Christmas, I actually thought twice when entering the recipient name and address.

I should have entered my own name, because on Christmas morning when he opened it up, I was supremely jealous. It even has a little drawer to store your cutting knives! And it even comes with the knives!

Amazon really should have some kind of extra button on things like this that says, "Buying as a gift? Get one for yourself as well." Even though that's just asking for trouble...

Pink is the New Gender Neutral

I love, love, love this pendant lamp. I wonder if there's any way I can convince my boyfriend that pink won't make our room look too girly. His doll collection, on the other hand...
(I kid, I kid).

Keepin' Cozy

It's the holiday and let's face it, there are really only a few things that get us through. I, for one, always look forward to watching Letterman place the cheese pizza atop the Christmas tree in the Ed Sullivan Theater. That and the year-end round-ups on the Today Show are among the season's highlights for me. And now that it looks like Letterman may very well be out of commission for the entire season, that just leaves Ann Curry and company for my yuletide cheer. Is it any wonder then, that I've started drinking 40's at night with my Thai take-out?

At least I've got a cool cozy for my 40's. I sure beats a brown bag...at least that's what I keep telling myself.

Fits like a Cheese Grater!

This kitchen gadget is so great and ergonomically perfect, from now on the new saying will be, "Oh, that fits you like cheese grater!"

If Only Pretty Was as Pretty Does

This calendar, featuring the artist's own favorite work, is so pretty, I'm afraid it might clash with the imperfections, occasional vulgarity, and intermittent crude behavior in my home. On the other hand, I suppose it doesn't have to go in the bedroom.

Spiraling down

This wall mounted corkscrew wine rack is inventive, but I can't help but wonder how would you wrap it?

There's no way it would fit in a gift bag, and wrapping paper would just make it look like some mutant banana in a bow.

But that may work out well if you're having a white elephant party, since the gifts with ugly wrapping never get picked. You could buy it and convince everyone that it's the worst gift under the tree, paper crumpled about the spirals and tearing at each edge. You could make up some story about how it's really just a jumble of old wires you found out back and it would be left there all alone after all the crappy candles and popcorn buckets have gone home.

And ta-da! You get a wine rack!

Starry Starry Morning

Q: What's better than a cup of coffee on Christmas morning?
A: A shot (or two...or three) of Kahlua in your coffee

Q: What's better than Kahlua coffee on Christmas morning?
A: Kahlua coffee in a tree or star-shaped mug!

Q: And what's better than all that?
A: A big ass pile of money under the tree. Duh.

Wine Bottle Platter

Why have regular ol' run-of-the-mill platters and your holiday wine and cheese gathering when you can have pretty wine bottle platters made from 100% recycled glass? And why have a wine and cheese gathering without inviting me? No, really--why? None of it makes any sense to me...

Menorah Madness

So, I moved in with my boyfriend a couple of months ago and he's Jewish and next week is Hanukkah and I've been so excited for all the festivities we'll get to enjoy together! Sure, the boyfriend says it's really not that big of a deal, that it's mostly lighting a few candles, eating latkes and saying some stuff, but in my head it's HANUKKAH, FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS! And it's 24 point flashing bold font and it's everything my Protestant upbringing wasn't. Maybe if I got a cool menorah like one of the gazillion ones on sale at The Jewish Museum, my boyfriend would understand that Hanukkah is more about history and tradition: it's about who has the coolest candle holders.

A Night Light is the Right Light

I keep a little night light in my bathroom because I abhor overhead bathroom lighting and find a sweet, colorful light like this Amy Burhoe one makes the whole bathroom experience a tad more civilized. Plus, I have the smallest bladder on the planet and have to pee about 10 times a night and it's just better to turn on a night light instead of a squinting against a blinding overhead in the middle of the night which always makes it that much more difficult to fall back asleep and dream of lovely things like cupcakes and David Duchovny.

Yeah so, this is a cool night light. You should buy it.

Light reading

Guys with a bunch of books on their walls are really attractive, so it's important to make sure your place has plenty to show off. But if you don't feel like actually reading them, just get these bookshelf decals from Blik and no one will know the difference!

Well, maybe, it really depends on who you're dating. Anyone who starred in High School Musical and every member of the Kardashian family will probably see these and think you're some kind of reading genius, but Geena Davis won't be fooled. She's in Mensa!

Stick with the Kardashians. Because they're all morons.

A Multi-Purpose Tool

I say tie a ribbon around this funny piece of metal and stuff it in your favorite cook or baker's stocking this Christmas. Call it a cookbook holder and wait for your batch of cookies as a thank you.

If the cook or baker in question doesn't need help holding open a cookbook, this funny piece of metal could also be used to stir ingredients, direct a fantasy orchestra, and serve as shoe horn.

Modern Art Everyday, Really

Now you can have 12 different images from Modern Art Everyday for 16 bucks and you can remember all the important dates of 2008, like the presidential election in November and National S'mores Day in August.

Tiffany Lava Lamps

Remember when lava lamps were cool, like way back when. And then disco balls became popular and then shoulder pads and Duran Duran and lava lamps were passe and then they were cool again and then passe and then shoulder pads came back in style, and leggings and David Bowie hair and well, what I'm trying to say is that I don't think we'll ever really lose lava lamps, so if we have to have them, I think these tiffany ones are a pretty cool incarnation.

Need magic to function

Sooo...stuffed....with....turkey. Food...coma...can't...function.......

Need paper towel...turkey all over face...need automatic towel dispenser...wave hand....get towel...eat more turkey...

Things on our Minds

It's the day after Thanksgiving and I know what you're thinking:

1. You didn't really like that top button on your pants anyway
2. After a day with the family, you're more thankful than ever for Jack Daniels
3. That Macy's Parade sure does have some big balloons
3. But, seriously, is Menudo still around?
4. Really?
5. Like, with fans and stuff?
6. In America, I mean?
7. Without the marshmallows on the yams, Thanksgiving dinner might as well be from the Olive Garden
8. Hey, wasn't Ricky Martin a Menudo?
9. Is he out of the closet yet?
10. Your sister could sure use a cute new casserole dish

Give 'Em a Boost

Poor Yellow Pages. What with the Internet and all, does anyone ever still use them? I mean, they used to make good boosters for kids...and Paula Abdul, but they've even been outsourced in that area, too, what with these super cool light-weight, soft, washable, form-fitting foam versions.

I guess they could still make okay door stops though. And you can also use the paper inside to r